i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
