my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
