She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
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Mom said you looked used
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
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Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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