I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
