I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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