..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
