And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
