Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
