Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
