Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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