go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
