Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
