Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
And then my night got REAL pukey
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
