What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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