i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
