I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize