I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
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