Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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