Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
