There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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