i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
