i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
