we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
