Is it normal to miss your booty call?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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