i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
