i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
