My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
