i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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