I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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