things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
It's shark week go big or go home
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
