hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
