the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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