I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
