I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
