You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
