i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
