batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So. Much. Porn.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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