I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I need water and some morals
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
