So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
