Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
