i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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