so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Randomize
