I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
