Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
