a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
