do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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