just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I would fuck him just for his dog
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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