Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
