3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Randomize