not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
