Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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