how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
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I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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