So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
