Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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