Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
