My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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