4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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