PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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