marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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