it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
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