Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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