this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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